IMO

One of the things that caused an "Aha!" moment in my life was a little novelty coaster my BFF gave me which said 'Everyone is entitled to my opinion.' My first thought? I'm not opinionated! My second thought? Let me tell you my opinion on opinions.

The "Aha!" was the realization that people see me very differently than I see myself and it made me wonder what I was doing to promote and influence the false perception that people seemed to have about me. It took me down a path of questioning and observing that included dozens of personality tests, self-help books, singular friendships with people out of my normal social groups, an in-depth analyzation of my upbringing and my family (a moxy crew of people who were made, bought and borrowed), and an awful lot of pot (shut up, it helped me observe and analyze myself... and it made me giggle.)

Here's what I discovered: the person everyone saw on the outside was not the person I was inside. (Which turned out to be a large part of the combination to understanding my unhappiness.) But you know what was even more important to learn? The person I see when I look at someone is very likely not the person they are inside, either.

When, as a child, they taught me that everyone was equal, I thought that meant everyone was the same. Obviously I knew people looked different and had different upbringings in different places surrounded by different people. But I honestly and wholeheartedly thought that everyone knew the differences between right and wrong, good and bad, yes and no. I thought everyone felt the same way I did about the simple, obvious things like the death penalty, how to treat animals, and gender, sexual and racial equality. I thought that no matter who you were, you understood the basics and, if you didn't, it was only because it hadn't been taught to you properly, if at all.

So, back then, in the course of conversations with people I knew and people I didn't know, I discussed my ideas as absolutes. And when the people I was speaking with didn't contradict what I was saying, it only strengthened my belief that I was right. When they did disagree, I assumed it was because they didn't understand as I understood. I felt I was completely open to hearing the opinions of others, even if they were wrong. Because everyone has the right to be wrong.

Today you will rarely, if at all, see or hear me voice an opinion. There are no more absolutes, there is no such thing as black or white. There are only perceptions, learned behaviours and ideas, wrongs that are accepted as rights and vice versa. I still believe what I believe and I feel strongly about a lot of things. But I also understand that other people have opinions that are different than mine. And virtually nothing I say will change their minds... because I know that virtually nothing they can say will change mine.

And that's my opinion on not having opinions.