Saturday 10 August 2013
Good
I feel I should follow up on the last post. Because things were bothering me at the moment but we got through it - the same as always yet faster than usual. Knowing that I can be happy anywhere causes an internal struggle (oddly enough) but this is where I am and this is where I choose to be and that is good. The rest is on me, and I will be okay. I will be good.
Friday 9 August 2013
Synthesized happy
Is this what we are? Is this what we will continue to be?
It's not that the problem right now is even a big deal because it isn't. How many times have we gone down this road? Too many to count at this point. And every time that I've been ready to walk away, he's asked me to stay and I did. Or I realized I wanted to stay and it didn't get that far.
But I realize something now. It's not that the problem right now is a big deal... it just reminds me of the problems that are a big deal and makes me consider taking the out that is being gifted to me.
Is this the life I want for myself? There are obvious problems. I don't call them deal breakers because they are mostly things I feel I should be working out on my own. The only deal breaker is when everything is considered at once.
Can I be positive enough for both of us? Do I want to be? Should I even be taking that on myself? Am I happy? Yes. Because I know I can be happy anywhere because the happiness exists within me. Am I feeding my happy? I don't think so. What does that say about us? And - the biggest question by far - will I feel the same tomorrow?
It's not that the problem right now is even a big deal because it isn't. How many times have we gone down this road? Too many to count at this point. And every time that I've been ready to walk away, he's asked me to stay and I did. Or I realized I wanted to stay and it didn't get that far.
But I realize something now. It's not that the problem right now is a big deal... it just reminds me of the problems that are a big deal and makes me consider taking the out that is being gifted to me.
Is this the life I want for myself? There are obvious problems. I don't call them deal breakers because they are mostly things I feel I should be working out on my own. The only deal breaker is when everything is considered at once.
Can I be positive enough for both of us? Do I want to be? Should I even be taking that on myself? Am I happy? Yes. Because I know I can be happy anywhere because the happiness exists within me. Am I feeding my happy? I don't think so. What does that say about us? And - the biggest question by far - will I feel the same tomorrow?
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