Bee tee dubs

BTW, in case you're wondering (and I'm sure millions of you out there are... lol) my career is coming along quite swimmingly. Since the last time I wrote I will conquer (which I amusingly spelled 'concur') I have left that employment and apparently have become enemy number one. *grin*

They didn't hire me for the sales job, they didn't hire me for the manager job. I told them that if they couldn't believe in me, I would find someone who did. And I did. Boy, did I ever.

In April I was hired to not only manage but actually open a new senior's residence in a neighbouring town. It was the biggest challenge of my career and I succeeded... although the residence did not. That sounds funny, doesn't it? Well, I worked my ass off and tried my absolute best every single day. The people who hired me realized their expectations of the business were unrealistic. They told me if I couldn't make it happen they believed no one could and they walked away from the project.

I got a lot from that experience. For one, it taught me that I do not want to live the way I did a decade ago when my life was consumed by my work. It's not enough for me anymore. I have learned balance and it is important. Another thing I got from it was some amazing experience in sales and marketing. I named the residence; designed the marketing materials; wrote, produced and starred in several radio commercials; learned to network and sell while maintaining my own high standards and strict moral code. My confidence sky-rocketed so when I had to find something else I was able to see myself and had people to back up the things I said.

I am now doing sales in direct competition with my former employer. I make the same amount of base pay with better commissions with targets I am actually able to achieve... no, not just achieve... destroy! My short term goal was to get three leases this month and my long term goal was to get to 100% occupancy. I have seven leases so far and, after one month of employment, we are completely full. Now I want to get involved in the community and make a bit of a name for myself in this town. Before long I will be a GM again, and it will kick it's ever loving ass.

I'm very proud of my progress, can you tell?

Now, can I harness that and put my money where my gut is?

Good question, I'm glad you asked.

The curiosity diet?

I sat in an auditorium waiting to see a comedy show the other night and I started thinking (again)... I just want to know. I want to know what it's like to not sit in a room and take inventory of size to see if I'm the biggest person there. I want to sit next to someone and not worry about crowding them out with my excess mass. I want to not concern myself with jiggles and dimples and carrying a great bowlful of jelly in front of me.

This is not the first time I have had these thoughts. Alas, there is an extremely high probability that these are not the last time I will have these thoughts. That auditorium re-awakening was on Friday night; it is now Sunday morning and I have eaten as much (if not more) junk food as ever. But it keeps coming back to me.

What would it be like? What would it be like?

The last time I intentionally lost a significant amount of weight was about a decade ago. During my 20s and 30s I lost up to (but never more than) 30 pounds several times. With diet pills, with a trainer, with Jenny Craig, with rehabbing my back. Always with the belief that it would make everything okay; always knowing I could but never passing that 30 pound hurdle of what if it doesn't.

Will I do it now? Now that I have changed my life so dramatically, changed my world so completely, changed my beliefs, my comforts, my wants and needs. I have achieved the things I set my mind to. Often with extremely different outcomes than expected but usually wanting (or at least finding a way to accept) the outcomes I get.

What about this? I firmly believe that the things that held me back or knocked me over in the past are no longer an issue. I understand that other things might cause road blocks but I no longer fear them; in fact, I welcome them. But do I want it enough to try enough?

I think I might.

I think I do.

I think I will.

I think.