With and without (drugs)

I have been off birth control for a whole month now. Off the anti-depressants completely for nearly two weeks. I've been watching.

The moods are there. I feel I'm pretty in control of them. Sometimes I could rip someone's head off and it's been a long time since I needed to deal with that but I keep it in check. Especially at work.

My head feels fuzzy. When I first started taking Welbutrin, I remember one of the first things I felt and one of the first things I thought was my brain felt clear in a way it never had. It was as if I'd been sleepy my whole life and finally woke up. The opposite is true right now. I feel as if I always want to sleep. I'm constantly asking for nap time and on the weekend I napped like a baby. I just feel lazy.

It is highly possible, though, that this fuzzy head and turtle-like body could be cleared up if it weren't for this lazy life I'm leading. And this shit I'm ingesting into my body. My periods are nearly non-existent now. My hair is falling out again. I sit constantly. I'm not healthy. And the promise of clarity would definitely be a motivator.

At this point, I'm the largest I've ever been -and I am not an attractive fat person... I look cranky, complete bitch. And I have never been so lazy. Sedentary. I've always been involved with something. There were lags, of course, but I've not sat this long before. I don't like it. But I'm too fucking lazy to get up and do something about it.

Poop.