A large part of this has to come down to what I'm looking for, what I expect from him, what I need to live the life I want to live. So I figured I'd jot down some ideas to get me going.
- I need to feel free. I need to feel as if the things in my life -where I work, where I live, who I live with- are a choice.
- I require change and spiritual growth. If I'm not growing, I feel like I'm shrinking.
- I want to move. Physically move. I want to be active and get out. I don't mean I need to train for a marathon but I do need to walk and play and vent my energy. Because if I'm not venting it, I'm covering it with food or trying to force it out with pot or booze.
- I don't expect him to be infallible, because I don't expect that of myself.
- I must be acknowledged. I don't need flowers, I don't want poetry and declarations of undying love (although they're nice from time to time). However, I have spent too much of my life feeling like I was invisible or in the way, I will not do that again.
- My physical appearance has always been indicative of my relationship with myself and the world. When I say I'm getting fat, it's the same as saying I am getting frustrated or I feel disconnected.
- I need to be able to give of myself openly and freely, without keeping score. The only way I can do that is if I feel we are equal. No one wins but everyone wins.
- I enjoy taking care of them, but I have no desire to do anything for anyone when I am feeling used or taken for granted.
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