There was a time, not so long ago, that I whole-heartedly believed that once I was finally able to rid myself of my numerous life-long issues with food I would no longer be fat. I thought that my weight problem was completely in my head, caused by the fact that I was miserable, I hated my life and body, my family had screwed me up in my formative years and I couldn't find a man to love me just as I was.
Never one to settle with not-good-enough, I spent many years and tens of thousands of dollars getting my head on straight. Today I love a man who loves me like no one ever has. My relationship with my family is strong and fulfilling. I'm content(ish!) with my work, my home, my car and my bank account. I love my life. I am actually in love with my life.
And I am fatter than I have ever been.
How does that work? I mean, I was wrong, obviously. All of the reasons may have been the right reasons but they didn't change the big picture. Controlling my weight is nowhere near as easy as I thought it would be. I boast to myself frequently that food no longer has control over me but, if that is true, why do my eyes keep leaving this screen and slipping over to that chocolate bar that sits on the table behind my computer? If I no longer have issues with food, why am I so full? And, most importantly, why am I so fat?
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