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Edit: Okay, I was wrong. Found this in my drafts folder, written December 19th. I did drive to the liquor store in icy weather after consuming a bottle of wine, by the way. That was a bad day. But I still had hope. Now? I don't know what to have. 

So, I figured I'd try this before I drive to the liquor store in icy weather after already consuming a bottle of wine. And before calling the booze delivery service. Because - WHAT THE FUCK? Is it really that bad?

Yeah. Mostly.

I'm so frustrated. So frustrated. Mostly work stuff. Jeff and I are doing great, health is fine, I've been losing weight, my hair is growing in pretty good. Mother fucker, can I stop working this job then? Seriously? What do I need to do? How long will this go on? I'm going to lose it. I'm ready to lose it.

But then I remind myself that I've been thinking that for over three years now. Well, a little less than three years, I guess, because the first month or two held a lot of hope. Nevertheless, it's been a long time. So, if I've lasted this long without losing my shit, what's another month or two, or four... but really... how fucking long can I deal with this?

As long as you must, Beverly. As long as you must.

This is my version of the song I've been listening to going to work lately. It's from the new Annie movie, called The City's Yours:

"This is just a part of your story
If you got guts you get glory
Anyone can make it, even you
Now's the time, you gotta stand tough
Cuz if you work hard you can rise up
Anyone can make it, even you

Look at me, I'm just blood pumping
You and me are two hearts thumping
We are two souls beating the same beat
So take it all, the city's yours
It's worth fighting for, it's all yours
So take it all, they city's yours
It's worth fighting for, it's all mine, it's all yours

So put your gloves on, start training
You gotta get wet when it's raining
And if you got heart you'll make it through
You see what I see, look harder
You know we're the same when we start off
Four walls, two hands, one heart beating
So take it all, they city's yours
Ask it for more, when it takes a toll
So take it all, they city's yours
It's worth fighting for, it's all mine, it's all yours"